“It is peace that does not depend upon the mountain, nor the view, nor the climate, nor upon anything external; it is peace that emanates from within.” ~Belzebuub

I started a course today at GnosticWeb.com. Yes, I continue my search for self. Yes, I was on hiatus…or something. Truth is, I let my hectic life and all its drama get in the way of pursuing my journey. Yes…that’s bad.

But, one thing I have learned is that where I am today is a result of my past decisions…the paradigms that I am working to replace. Where I go depends on my mindset in the here and now. And I am focused and believe that my journey will be successful.

I don’t even remember how I found GnosticWeb. But Gnosticism appealed to me immediately on some levels, since it seems to be a broader form of Christianity, focusing on non-judgmental reasoning. For years now, I’ve considered myself something just left of Christianity…explaining my spiritual beliefs as “agnostic who practices Christianity” or a “universalist”, but never really finding a home where I really fit in. I’ve tried on some different religions for size and there’s always been something that just didn’t completely work with me. Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I am looking for a religion custom fit to all my current knowledge and beliefs. I’m willing, able and even anxious to make some changes. But there are just core principles that need to go along with how I think at present.

Any way, I now find myself a new student at GnosticWeb. New students are required to start course work with the 8-week course on Self Discovery and Peace. I pre-ordered the book we are focusing our study around, The Peace of the Spirit Within; A Guide to Transforming Your Life by Belzebuub. I also purchased a special bookmark with a charm that reads “Dream”. Although I received the book a few weeks ago, I haven’t even crack the spine. So, at the moment, I don’t know who Belzebuub is or why I should value what he says. I only know that this week I need to read the preface, chapter one and chapter two. But as soon as I’m done with this post, I’ll start the first of my weekly required reading.

Along with the reading assignments, we are also given a weekly exercise. I’m rather excited about the first one, which is focused on increasing awareness. Using the five senses to be aware of where I am and what I am doing. I’ll be trying to stop thoughts and emotions from distracting me from my sense of conscious awareness. Not an easy feat for a human who has spent most of her life wrapped up in pseudo-bondage by her thoughts and emotions.

So, I’m back. Back on my path to self-enlightenment; back to the growing pains that I believe to be an important, even crucial, part of my journey to realize my life’s purpose. Back to learning about myself, what makes me click, what will make me better and stronger and more comfortable with the person I am. Back to this blog…back to the still uncomfortable sharing of myself with you. But I know I’m on the right path. And I’m glad you’re here with me. Thank you.

Blessings.

Mari